Thursday, December 1, 2011

That lost feeling.

Ok, I'm feeling a little lost right now. I've lost any sense of attraction to women.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not into men, its just that I've lost any want or need for a romantic relationship with anyone.

I think I've become desensitized, had lost hope in finding "the one".  This is a truly scary experience for me.
The idea of not finding the one for me and dying old and alone is frightneing. But what's even worst is knowing that when I begin to lose hope, I'll also lose the drive to keep searching for that one girl, keeping everything inside until the day I day, living without a legacy as well as never having fulfillment.

It took me two years get over a girl I truly loved and had a relationship with; It took me a whole year to fall in love with a girl who I thought had also been attracted to me. Unfortunately, she clammed up once I told her of my feelings and never spoke to me again, its almost 2 years after that fiasco and I haven't found anyone yet to fill the void.

I'm getting tired.

Back to regular programming

I've been sidetracked by how much I hate propaganda's and the failure of my government.

So for now, I'm going to write a few stories/essays/any posts that have more to do with how I feel about my life that how I feel about my society.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

I think, therefore I am not (Catholic)

I can never understand the zealots of the Catholic Church.

Ad  hominems, hasty generalization, association fallacies, red herrings, blaming, playing the victim, twist words and statements, and quoting scripture and playing the infallible faith card among others. Once they start losing a logical argument, they use one of those "strategies".

No need for explanations, just use a logical fallacy. It would be nice if it was only the ignorant masses do this. What's sad is, from the highest position in the land (Archbishop) to the lay leaders, this technique is well used.

What I hate most however, is the thought (or lack of) they put into their replies. You come up with a highly thought out, highly researched topic and all they come up with for a reply is "My god/pope/priest/bishop said so!!!" or "You're attacking my faith!!!" (take note the amount of exclamation points)

Before I learned that there are other ways to look at things, I was a Catholic. The moment I started to think differently and define my own self, I became less and less of a Catholic.

All I want is a sensible argument that leads to the creation of new knowledge and realizations, from those of the Catholic faith.

I will never rejoin your faith, and at the rate I'm going, I'll probably never understand it as well.

But is it really impossible to mix thinking and being Catholic? Are the smart sage-like priests already extinct in this country? Can their followers be more like Christ?

So many questions, and they still won't answer me properly.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Having a mind of a critic

As of now, most of my posts have been filled with criticisms. Most of them (if not all) negative.

I can't just help myself from ranting about these things. If I may seem angry, argumentative, or annoying to you, don't worry, I feel that way about myself as well.

I even think that I might need a psychiatrist in the near future.

You see, I an obsessive compulsive critic. Everything I do, everything I say, everything I write, it goes to some sort of filter before I'm able to do, say, or write it.

What's worst? I'm have an obsession with academic correctness. Whenever I use an uncommon word, a scientific term, or any word that I haven't used in a while, I have to check both as well as (Yes, I also checked links to websites before posting them)

The harder part? I have to read the news everyday and find something to think upon and criticize.
What could have person A done? What is wrong with Senator B's arguments? Why does Bishop C think that way? Why am I reading this when I'm supposed to be working?

Well, it's pretty damn hard to work when your supervisor is watching your every move. It's even damn harder when your supervisor is inside your own head.

Prying into the mind of a Senator

Okay, this blog was initially supposed to be a collection of stories. But recent events in the Philippines have made me realize that sometimes, real life is more interesting than anything I can imagine. And so, some of my posts have become rant-like. Unfortunately, here's some more.

Now, Senator Sotto has been very vocal about his opposition to any and all forms of the RH Bill.
Putting myself in his shoes, I was trying to think of a reason to oppose the Bill without delving into religion.

I've come up with the following conclusion:

Maybe the reason Sen. Sotto is going to new lows to stop the RH Bill is because he (or his heirs) will lose on potential voters.
Imagine, a hundred million potential voters in 2025 (or 2028), most of those would probably be living below the poverty line and most of them will just vote for the most popular candidates (Sen Sotto, if still alive, or maybe someone else in the family)

Remember, less population means we can concentrate more on education. Better education means future voters are able to make informed choices, better chances of electing better candidates. Better chance of better candidates winning elections means a lower chance of politicians winning just because they are popular comedians or actors.

If he saw that far into the future, then maybe I can give some respect to the guy. He is after all, investing in the future and based on surveys, investments are good.

Anyways, hope I get into writing again after a few days. I'm busy with other stuff (and trying to not get annoyed too much at what my countrymen are doing).

Saturday, September 3, 2011

On Kit Tatad and Federico D. Pascual Jr's stance on the RH Bill

From what I've read, it's either a) He has not read the latest version of the bill b) blindy refuses the bill because it's labelled RH b) He does not approve because the church say so.

I agree with one point though, RH should not be dicated by foreign pressure, we should have this for ourselves.

Birthrate and overpopulation: Yes, we're not over populated, but some areas are already saturated. And the saturation will keep getting worst until a) we do something to prevent further growth or b) we relocate others from saturated areas. Good luck on trying to relocate people.

Availability of contraception/sterilization: Yes they are available, but only to those who have money, and those who know about them. Part of RH Bill is about information, availability to those who are a bit unfortunate should only come as second.

Birth Control: The government can't punish us for having unprotected sex and it cannot force us to practice birth control, it does not say that in the bill, that would be unconstitutional, inhumane, and incredibly awkward.

On Child bearing: Actually, it can, and it should protect or prevent child bearing. Some parents have too many kids and can't take care of more of them, to prevent another child from joining the family is to promote the existing children's right to a good life. Now, which is more important? The actual, living, breathing children, or an imaginary child that has not been concieved yet.

Dropping the bill: Yes, please, do that by all means. Just make sure you have an alternative to protecting women and children's rights to good lives.

To those against Population control: Please watch Soylent Green. I agree that we are far from overpopulation but that does not mean we should be complacent. Prevention is better that cure. I don't want my descendants suffering because their resources are dwindling to quickly.

You may also want to visit slums and try living with the families there. An RH bill is not only for the present, it is for the future.

The country's resources are like a piece of pie. The more the people who share the pie, the less your share becomes. I don't want my descendants becoming hungry because everyone's share of the pie is reduced to a small crumb.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Why Mideo Cruz does not need to attack Islam and why the catholic church is vulnerable

As far is Islam is concerned, I'm pretty sure he doesn't need to attack it (or its followers) with another piece of art (or crap, depends on the audience).

Here's why:

a) Within the scope of Kulo, its about Jose Rizal and the Filipino heritage. Cruz might have just focused on Rizal.

  History is not exactly one of the subjects I'm good at but if I remember correctly, the guy didn't really have problems with Islam. I don't even remember any mention of Rizal and Islam or Muslim in the same paragraph in any of my books.

b) I don't personally know the guy, but people say he's an atheist (if not worshipping satan). The piece of art he made is probably a reaction to how he see's the religious culture of the Philippines.

The second question is, why use Catholicism. This is because Catholicism is the religion that is currently the most popular, the most culturally significant to modern Filipino Culture. Also, most other religions do not use symbols, statues, and pictures as much as the Catholics do. He did not actually attack the faith's foundations (The Bible, The Vatican, God and Christ themselves), just some symbols.

This is just me, but I think MY God and MY Saviour are not so petty to be offended by something so small. Also, politicians, celebrities, other prominent people including some dictators just laugh at caricatures of themselves, no matter how offensive it might have been intended to be. If these people, which are only human, can see past such (possibly) crass symbols of themselves, I think MY God and MY Saviour can easily do the same.

c) He might already have one, and it didn't get much reactions. Remember that "Politeismo" is not actually a new piece, its already been shown in other galleries.

d) This is about the RH Bill, and he showing how he feels about its current situation:

  Honestly, the Muslim groups have not been as vocal against the RH Bill as the RCC is. A simple google search will prove this. He might not see it as necessary.

e) This is activism against the direction where Catholicism, and religion in general, and morals of the Philippines is going. Face it, we're becomming more and more similar to the westerners. Some people go to the church for the sake of going to church, not because they want to but because they need to, or they're used to it, or its become tradition.

He doesn't need to do this with Islam because (I may be wrong) they have stronger ties to their faith that most catholics do. And with such news as Catholic bishops receiving SUVs from a hated president, sexual harrasment, child abuse and downright rape by priests and bishops, the "hidden" wealth of bishops and diocese who ask for donations from the gov't when they can pretty much provide it for themselves make Catholics the ones who are most likely to become disillusioned with their faith.

  With this, the piece just becomes one big warning sign saying "DON'T LET YOUR FAITH(RELIGION) BECOME LIKE THIS."

f) He's being an activist against the leaders of the church:

  Remember Mickey Mouse Money or Bills? It was a term for money that no one bothers with and was regarded as play money. Maybe he sees the religion as a plaything of the leaders. As for the Phalluses, well, the catholic leaders can be Phalluses, much more than the leaders of any other faith IMO.
 Remember this article?(
That proves how some leaders of the catholic faith are such complete and utter Phalluses.

  Why not do this to Islam? Well, muslims take their faith much more seriously than any other religious group, sometimes to the extreme. He doesn't need to react to these guys since they live by what they believe in, and as I said, sometimes, to the extreme.

g) He just hates the RCC. Nuff' said.

Honestly, I don't care about the piece of art itself. I just care to react since I hate catholics going on and on about freedom of expression should not be absolute and doing stuff to the pictures of the artist's parents, then daring people to insult muslims, buddhists, or other faiths.

With regards to state policies, most other religions go by "live and let live, just don't bother us." or "Do it if you want, just don't force us"
But with Catholics it's "We're not doing that and neither should you!" or "Don't do/allow that, our followers might do it too!" or "You're corrupting our morals!" or "You're corrupting the children!" or "We're not allowed to do that so you shouldn't do it too!"

The reason Catholics are easily attacked much more than any other faith because they poke their noses into everything.

Here're some tips for those "Vocal" catholics:
Don't measure everyone by your sticks if you don't want to be measured by everyone else's.
When spoken to, don't shout.
Speak when necessary, not whenever you want.
Don't shoot first, not every one is aiming at you. Once you do, well, good luck.
You don't always need to mention your position. Sometimes, stealthy maneuvering is more effective.
Don't jump into a battlefield and expect to not be shot at.
Don't get so deep into shit, you'll get covered by it.
Don't throw your shit at someone else, lest they throw theirs (or yours) back at you.
When your so deep in shit, don't talk.

Lastly: "To Err Is Human, To Forgive Divine."

Sadly, I am human, so I can't easily forgive things and people that annoy me.

End Rant.

Friday, August 5, 2011

Ikaw at Ako

Limang taon na ako sa US. Iniwan ko ang aking pamilya upang magtrabaho, mag-aral, at yumaman sa Tate. Malayo na ang narating ko ngayon, maganda ang trabaho, maayos ang pamumuhay.

Napakatagal ko nang nagtatrabaho. Halos nalimutan ko na ang ibang pinagdaanan bago ako sa mapunta sa aking kinalalagyan ngayon.

Pero di ko malilimutan ang isa sa aking mga araw sa Unibersidad.

Doon kita nakilala.

Una kitang nakausap noong muntikan ka na malaglagan ng neon sign ng Jollibee. Iniligtas kita gamit ang aking pambihirang lakas at kapangyarihang galing sa Kung Fu (na inimbento ko lang). Gumamit ako ng circular movements upang ma-redirect ang higanteng flourescent light na inimbento ni Flores na kapwa ko Pilipino (pero di daw talaga siya naka-imbento nun).

Astig yung nangyari, grabe ang Adrenaline Rush na aking nadama. Pero wala yung kinalaman masyado sa aking kwento dahil love story ito at hindi comics na gawa ng Marvel o ng DC.

Ayun nga, niligtas kita, akala ko love at first sight ang nadama ko para sa iyo.

Hindi pala.

Matagal na kitang iniirog dahil kaklase kita sa isa sa mga majors ko.

Tuwing ako'y inaantok ay sa iyo ako tumitingin para sumaya at magising naman ako.

Minsan pa'y tumitiningin ka din sa akin sabay iwas ko sa aking tingin, tapos titingin ako ulit pag iniwas mo ang tingin mo tapos titingin ka na naman at iiwas na naman ang tingin ko, tapos titingin na naman ako pag iwas ng tingin mo tapos...

Minsan pa nga'y titingin ako sayo pero hindi ko iiiwas ang aking tingin kapag tumingin ka tapos magtititigan tayo hangga't may sabihing mahalaga ang ating guro o kaya'y kausapin ako ng katabi ko o kausapin ka ng nasa likod mo.

Ayun, balik sa kwento sa me neon sign ng Jollibee. Dahil katapat lang ng Jollibee ang ating Unibersidad at oras na para ako'y pumasok sa klase kung saan ika'y aking kamag-aral, sinubukan kong mag-paalam sa ating guro na ka-close mo at medyo ka-close mo din. Nasugatan kasi ang aking mga kamay dahil sa neon sign ng Jollibee na ni-redirect ko upang maligtas ka ilang minuto pa lang ang nakakaraan. Ito yung sugat na tipong mamamatay ka sa kadahilanang mauubusan ka ng dugo. Ganun kalala (Sa isip ko).

Ako: "Ma'am, pwede po bang magpahuli ako sa ating klase?"

Guro: "At bakit naman? Nandito ka na nga magpapahuli ka pa. Pero medyo namumutla ka, me sakit ka ba?"

Ako: "Wag po kayo magugulat ha, at wag niyo sasabihin kahit kanino..."

At aking ipinakita ang karumaldumal na kondisyon ng aking mga kamay.

Guro: "Yuck! So ewww naman that! Pumunta ka na sa infirmary para magamot na ang karumaldumal mong sugat sa kamay!"

"Ikaw, estudyanteng ka-close ko, pakisamahan naman itong kaklase mong medyo ka-close ko. Ako na bahala sa attendance mo, bigyan pa kita ng bonus."

Ako: "Sabi nang wag sasabihin sa iba eh..."

Guro: "Parusa mo na din yan dahil pumunta ka pa dito imbes na dumeresto sa infirmary. Adik ka ba? Nagpapakamatay ka ba? Masokista ka ba? Wala ka na bang balak makatapos ng kolehiyo? Di mo ba naisip na pwede maimpeksyon yan!?! Para ka namang-"

Ikaw: "OKAY PO! Ako na bahala."

Sa loob-loob ko: "Thank you! Baka himatayin na ako kung natuloy ang sermon na yun..."

At ayun nga, naglakad tayo patungong infirmary. Di ko alam kung bakit di tayo sumakay ng jeep. Basta naglakad...

Syempre naka-sara ang aking kamao upang pigilan ang parang ilog na umaagos na dugo mula sa aking mga kamay.

Tapos, bigla kang nagsalita.

Ikaw: "Buti naman at nasolo kita ngayon. Bihira lang mangyari 'to."

Ako: "Hehe, bakit? Gusto mo magpaturo tungkol dun sa proyekto natin?" (Ang bobo ko...)

Ikaw: "Ummmm, oo, yun nga, nahihirapan kasi ako dun eh." (Ang bobo naman nito...)


Ikaw: "Bakit ka nga pala madalas tumitingin sa akin sa klase?" (Ano kayang isasagot nito?)

Ako: "Ha! Ummm, wala lang, napansin ko kasing ang ganda mo pala." (A pangit ng sagot na yun!!!)

Ikaw: "Ganoon ba?" (Ngayon mo lang napansin! Mahina nga ito...)

Ako: "Pwede magtanong?"

Ikaw: "Sige, bakit naman hindi? Ano ba yon?" (Mag-yayaya na kaya itong lumabas?)

Ako: "Ano nga ba ulit pangalang mo? Pwede ko bang malaman habang nagkakape tayo?" (Bat ko sinabi yun! Ang pangit ng banat na yun!)

Itutuloy... Siguro...